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Second​-​Worst Mascot In The NHL

from phosphene by Area Resident

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  • Exclusive limited edition 12" vinyl record
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Short run of vinyl on white wax. Artwork by Chelle Lorenzen. If sold out, you can try reaching out to see if I have any kicking around. May even have some test pressings.

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    Be kind, rewind. Area Resident on cassette tape for the very first time. Artwork by Chelle Lorenzen. This item available only at shows or via www.surkeus.com
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes in a lovely cardboard sleeve so nobody will use it to scrape their windshield.
    Artwork by Chelle Lorenzen (this image is just a mock-up, though). CD will ship when product arrives.
    (SRKS0035CD)

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about

Inspired by the survey which ranked the team mascots in the NHL, and the legal entanglements of an American man who once was the performer inside the costume.

lyrics

He's the second-worst mascot in the NHL
He got 15 years for burglary
Kidnapping as well
He attempted to shoot his son
Was awful, on the run
He embezzled so many funds from the bogus charity he runs

He's the second-worst mascot in the NHL
Posed for photos with a veteran
Who was a sex offender as well
He duct-taped both the hands
Of his two kids, as planned
And when he's not at the rink, he's a weatherman

It's my face in there
But I won't reveal it
Hide my face in there
I will conceal it

He's the second-worst mascot in the NHL
Posed for photos with a veteran
Who was a sex offender as well
He attempted to shoot his son
Was awful, on the run
He embezzled so many funds from the bogus charity he runs

It's my face in there
But I won't reveal it
It's my face in there
That I will conceal

I'm gonna flood a jailhouse rink
The game is almost on
Gonna fire the T-shirt cannon
Send one over the wall, over the wall

The second-worst mascot in the NHL
He's a weatherman

credits

from phosphene, released April 7, 2023
Doug Hempstead: Vocals, guitar, bass, keyboards, percussion
Jordon Zadorozny: Drums, guitar

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Area Resident Ottawa, Ontario

Area Resident is Doug Hempstead. A CBC radio journalist twice-a-day and basement recording artist by night. This is the music he makes, mostly alone.

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